Incomplete Wishes

“I wish”…is a unique phrase.

If it’s added to something it gives the same thought a million new dimensions.

I wish I was Fair, I wish I was in IIT, I wish I was the king of this world…

Lovely isn’t it?

But that never happens that way. We wish a million things but we never get them all. If we did get everything we wished for, Life would surely be something else.

Life never gets EVERYTHING to a person know why?

Because it would act as the reason of motivation and every philosophical thing you can link so as to give your mind a false belief of it.

But we all know the real thing…WE JUST DIDN’T GET IT.

That’s what upsets us during the highest times when you’re at the peak of success or lonely and no one to share to.

We wish a lot of things that never would happen or never can.

As children we wish I wish I was SUPERMAN. On reaching teenage we think I wish that girl did like me the way I like her ,Or if we grew up as a bookworm it would be I wish I make it to the top 10 ranks of IIT.

We go to meet our special one I wish he/she would have said that or done something special like that. I wish my special one was Romantic, I wish there would have been no one when we meet or the lights went off…!

Yes, a Million things to wish and none come true. It Hurts.

If you think it doesn’t? I am sure you’re lying to yourself then.

[FLASHBACK]

I had grown popular over Orkut. I had now become the RJ and Radio head of various leading communities on Orkut and was looking over them as well.

I enjoyed as a Voice over RJ. Every one in fact new me apart from the new one‘s or the people I never talked to, but it was fun.

It was one afternoon I had begun playing the radio and I saw a girl with the profile pic of a healthy looking girl with a skirt, open hair big eyes and confidence and her sexy looks were visible just from seeing the pic.

I being the Rj was talking to everyone and began talking to her too. I mean it wasn’t like I wanted to talk to her because she had a glamorous pic but because she was like any other girl to me listening to me.

She did like my voice and she being honest told that to me and I felt nice.

I had a bad habit of singing over the radio too but she still liked it. It’s not that I am a bad singer. It’s just I sing Atif songs quite very well.

I sent her a friend request.

She accepted it the next day she got online. I really don’t know why the girls take so much of time but they always make sure they are never quick at accepting a friend request.

Like every other guy all I did was checked out her albums.

After going through all her album pics, I came to the conclusion that no matter what women wear but they always appear the best in a saree and that was true for her too.

We started talking. Like usual.

It began from scraps went to gtalk then yahoo and then phone conversations.

Her name was Niharika, belonged to Delhi. She was a mature girl, caring and loving in her own special ways. She was quite practical and that’s what I liked about her.

She was her dad’s princess and she loved her family a lot. She was a Punjabi which reminded me of Riya sometimes. When we used to talk I tried out the little Punjabi I used to know mixed with Urdu and Hindi. She used to giggle and say “aap to rehene hi do!!”

We had got close and we were no longer “just friends”.

She had aims in her life. She wanted to be an MBA and an Entrepreneur. Starting a hotel with the help of her dad. We seldom used to talk about the name of her Hotel. She was serious for life and I sometimes thought her seriousness of things makes me a bit scared but I always wanted to be her support in everything she did.

I am just good at being a good human being. I remember there’s a column in slam book saying “What do you want to become?” I saw people’s reply was always like an IAS, Engineer, and Doctor. But I always wrote.”I want to be a good human being”. I don’t know how much I am successful in becoming one but I do love it this way.

One of my bad habits was that I used to get attach to people very easily and I was attached to her too.

Niharika and I had now entered into a relationship and I felt like a liar. Because had hidden something from her.

I and Niharika were going along quite happily.

The night talks began with a note of “KISS ME THROUGH THE PHONE” and ended on the note of a “beep” which signaled the finishing up of balance on either side.

She wasn’t allowed to take up calls at night.

But sometimes we do crazy things in love in spite of everything. Loving and the feeling of getting caught by your parents talking at night is a unique feeling. It provides you happiness of talking to your loved one but the fear of getting caught always stayed and made it into a blissful feeling.

She used to talk to me through her store room and we ended up kilometers apart though but seeing each other in each other’s arms. That’s how you go to bed thinking off. That‘s what love makes you feel special of. There’s someone whom we can hug imagining him/her close to us and that they are there with us when we need them.

I was talking to the other night when I said “Niharika I have lied to you on something and I have to confess of it today!”

She looking a bit worried said tell me about it.

I told her “I am one year younger to you!”

She got all tensed and said you should have told me before about it. She hung up the phone and didn’t talk to me for about a day.

But her love for me had to win over the age factor and it did. She just asked me not to lie again and I promised her I won’t ever. She was all happy again and so was I.

But as usual happy times do not remain for long.

It was her cousin’s marriage from her place. She was all excited. She used to tell me everything about it. Her happiness used to come out of the phone and make me smile. Happiness too is infectious.

She was all tensed of what to wear like all usual girls. When I told her that I like her pics with the saree. On which she said “Pagal ho? Wahan sab meri shaadi ke peeche pad jayenge phir to !!”

I laughed and said in a teasing way “accha hai na “. She like all the other girls was a bit dramatic sometimes so she kept the phone getting angry. But that couldn’t stop her from calling me after 10 minutes and saying “Main saree hi pehnungi!!”

The best thing of her was that she could cheer me up and the worst thing of her was that she used to always “hmmm” like a Humming bird which I got irritated of sometimes.

And she was the only first one to say to me “You are good at Playing with words!”

The cousin’s marriage was over and they were all home. She was a bit sad as her cousin was her best friend and sister and I could make that out from her soft voice.

It wasn’t mid night but I was going to sleep early today as I thought she would be tired and won’t call up.

But she called up.

She was crying. She was rather sobbing and I could feel her pain and like dumb I asked her “what’s wrong?” She replied in her soft voice crying “DAD!”

That’s all I could hear and she hung up.

I was all tensed and trying to figure out what had happened as until they returned home everything was just fine. I was all tensed and sleep had vanished out of my eyes somewhere in the dark worrying for Niharika.

She was more of a call person and never messaged me ever. But after she hung I got a message relieving me a bit of my tension until I read it.

“ Dad got an attack and we have taken him to the hospital.”

I was all the more tensed now and just prayed to God for “DAD’s” well being. I being an Atheist still Prayed to God with having tears in my eyes, not as much as Niharika but yes they were coming out of my eyes and there was no stopping to it.

All I thought was she and her younger sister and her mom the only ones how would they manage everything, they would be getting quite tensed.

It was close to 1 am at night.

She called up again. Wailing this time.

She said “Nitesh, Dad’s dead!”

I was frozen. I wan numb and I felt all the more dead. But I had to regain my senses as soon as she said this. Because if I get weak too, who’ll console her.

I made myself strong and not knowing what to say. I still tried consoling her. I didn’t know it helped her or not. But she hung up.

I tried calling her up several times.

She didn’t pick up and if she did all she did was cry and hang up.

I don’t really know when I slept calling her up but my last call said 4:32 am.

I wanted to go to Delhi then to be with her. But as usual my exams were up and no matter what I said at home I wouldn’t have been allowed to go in there.

We didn’t talk for about 10 days.

I used to call her up and message her all went without a single response coming from her.

One day she picked up the call and all she said was “Don’t call me again!!”

I was all shattered and broken but I knew it was because of something I could understand and I could feel her pain.

I don’t really remember after how many days we didn’t talk. But when we did she was not the same now. She didn’t talk to me like she used to. She just said one thing “I want to be alone!”

I couldn’t but leave her the way she was becoming. How even I could?

But she meant what she said. No Orkut. No gtalk. No yahoo. No calls. No messages. She had decided to leave me and she did.

She never thought that by doing, what she’s doing to me. She was linked with me and it wasn’t just her Father now. But she didn’t understand that. She just thought of herself.  I was worried about her and her family. What will happen now? I used to think of everything.

Her phone remained “switch off”.

Meanwhile, I and Akriti were talking as usual. But I didn’t tell her anything of Niharika. She had so much to worry about herself that I didn’t want to tell her. The one she loved had started ignoring her and she didn’t like it. Well who likes it? So she didn’t like it too. And I was just meant to talk to her and make her happy but she never knew that I needed her too. But it was fine with me. At least I had a friend who would not leave me.

Niharika didn’t talk to me and it had been months. Whenever she picked up the call she used to say “Move on” and hanged up. I mean is it so damn easy? But it was like destiny was mocking at us.

It hardly had been 10 days within which everything happened from our first talk in the community till the death of her father. Things happened quickly for me. As I have this strange feeling that I don’t have much time. I have no idea why I feel so but I am always in a hurry for everything be it anything. And so everything happened in just 10 days but it felt like more than years to me and I couldn’t just move on.

But I had and this time around I had made myself tougher and the soft part of my personality was open for only a few people whom I knew.

Tears did fall from both our eyes both had the grief of departing, her grief was surely more than mine but grief and heart-broke are two different things.

We can just wish things that would have happened or would not have happened.

But everything that starts has an ending.

[Present time]

Sister shouting to mom “I wish I was elder to him [referring to me]”

I: Yea! Get out of your wish list now else you’ll remain a cry baby.